DRIVER EDUCATION DADDY STYLE

Driver Education Daddy Style

However unfortunate, the binder of television contains the tales of modern folklore. Of these tales none is as celebrated as the coming of age saga of the first car of a son or daughter. The snapshot captures the proudfather handing the keys over, beaming with pride as he encourages the youth to take her out for a spin. Embracing the loving wife, they kiss and share smiles as the car drives out of sight.......fade to credits.

Opening credits, Starrett City Brooklyn sometime in 2009. Jackie has just passed her road test. Take a breath Joe, you are Howard Cunningham and Richie just got his license. Embrace it and give her the keys......I can't. For the next couple of months it was never easy to just give Jackie the keys. Now believe me, it had nothing to do with her ability to drive. I had full faith in her. That wasn't the problem. The problem was the experiences of my daily drive. Most of you will agree with me, there are just too many lunatic drivers out there. My fatherly instincts were trying to keep my precious daughter safe from the crazies.... And I believed this!

Fast forward to the last road trip to visit Rochester about a month or so before Jackie had to start school. No more crazy Brooklyn drivers in the area, wide open upstate straightaways, sunny weather and bright daylight. Daddy can I drive?

You....want....to......drive....here....on.....a.....highway?

Give Richie the keys Howard. Samantha was laying down in the backseat. We stopped at a station for some coffee for Daddy and Jackie jumped into the drivers seat. An hour later, after steady highway speeds and large cup of black coffee we arrived at our destination, and with a true smile I told Jackie what a good job she did. And believe me she did!

Why such a hard time then. I just couldn't figure. Jackie actually had a lot of driving experience having driven back and forth to school in LaGuardia courteousy of my father-in-law. He was actually a driving school instructor back in the day.  He actually went so far as to put a passenger side break in his car when Jackie began to learn to drive. Still my own overprotectivness caused me to pause on numerous occasions, and it still does. Don't get me wrong, I never tell Jackie no. In fact I encourage her, albeit rarely, to take the car and go visit Grandma. But I do watch the clock and wait for her call when she gets there.

Fast forward to season three. Now Howard has to give the car to Joanie and he is still smiling. In my sitcom it's Samantha's turn, and this kid can't wait to get in the car. She doesn't want lessons mind you, she just wants to drive. In addition, for those of you who don't know Samantha, not only does she know how to drive, she knows it all. Grandpa takes her for lessons as well, and is all to happy to relay some of her stubborness which makes me feel so great....not.   Now she is on the verge of a road test, and she is ready.  However I realized that  as far as I know there still isn't a test, or some class to help Daddys overcome their overprotective natures.

When I think about some of the tactics I have used to stall the inevitable I realize that I have implemented my own "Daddy Driver Education Program" for my daughters. If and only if they pass the rigors of my program and overcome my unilaterally imposed delays do they get to drive.

Here goes. My top ten delays tactics:

1. Tell them you have to change the insurance coverage and the broker didn't process the cards yet.

2. Point out that it is the end of the city's fiscal period and the cops like to meet their ticket quotas, by picking on new drivers.

3. Everytime they exhibit impatience when you are driving or make a comment about your driving which you feel is contrary to acceptable driving practices, delay their driving debut by two weeks as a punsihment.

4. Blame the weather.

5. Blame the traffic condition.

6. Blame the parking conditions.

7. Tell them you are not really sure where your destination is so you better drive.

8. Tell them they can drive on the way home, and then deny ever saying that when it's time to drive home.

9. Tell them you just feel like driving.

and last but not least

10. Tell them to give old pops a break, he just can't handle his daughters growing up so fast.

Sorry Howard.