Not Your Ordinary Bachelor Party!

Wow, it has been quite some time that I attended a Bachelor Party.   So long that I had kind of forgotten just how rowdy they can get.  Who knew however, that the latest rowdy Bachelor Party I would attend would be thrown by, of all people, my wife.

It was just about two weeks ago that my lovely wife informed me that she wanted to throw a Bachelor Party in our home.  As if that weren't bizarre enough she wanted me to do the cooking for it.  I couldn't believe this.   I never pegged her for such wild ideas and she seemed unfazed that it was going to be on a school night with my kids at home.

Hold on!  Before you call child services on us, let me explain.  This Bachelor Party wouldn't have any strippers, nor would it have any alcohol.  It would just have a few rowdy friends of ours gathered around the TV to watch the season finale of "The Bachelor".  My role would not be that of a oglers, but instead of a caterer. Boy have times changed! But I can live with that.  To tell you the truth....I LOVE COOKING FOR A CROWD.

Still, I found it necessary to immediately draw the line with wifey.  No sooner had she asked me to cook for her party, did she suggest that I make "Pigs In The Blanket".  Oh the insult.  How do you ask me to cook and then suggest such a novice preparation.  "Pigs In The Blanket" hardly count as cooking in my book.  I do have some reputation to uphold in my social circle.  No, this party would require a much better effort than that.

Since it was a work day, I would have to take into consideration the time considerations, and work on something that could at least be prepared ahead of time in part.  Scanning the food network site for ideas left me without any compelling ideas until I found a recipe for simple quiche,  How boring! But with a little more thought, I decided to prepare a plethora of different fillings, which could be mixed and matched into 10 different quiches.  Herb infused chicken, maple sausages, Mexican tacos, mixed vegetable, hashed brown potatoes, pepper stir fry, slow roasted bacon, and a variety of cheeses were utilized to create a quiche orgy.  Something for everyone.  Wow, I bet you never thought you would read about an orgy at a bachelor party that involved quiche.  Well then again........that's another story.

Well, the guest arrived, apparently overwhelmed by the buffet of quiche that presented itself to them.  From the sparse leftovers I think they went over pretty good.  With the cooking done, and the guests satiated I packed away the leftovers, set the table with an assortment of desserts brought along by our visitors and retired to the basement for a treadmill workout.  As for the actual "Bachelor",  not my cup of tea, but to each his own.

 

So if your hiring for your next Bachelor Party, I can't swing on a pole......that good......but I do make a mean quiche! 

DRIVER EDUCATION DADDY STYLE

Driver Education Daddy Style

However unfortunate, the binder of television contains the tales of modern folklore. Of these tales none is as celebrated as the coming of age saga of the first car of a son or daughter. The snapshot captures the proudfather handing the keys over, beaming with pride as he encourages the youth to take her out for a spin. Embracing the loving wife, they kiss and share smiles as the car drives out of sight.......fade to credits.

Opening credits, Starrett City Brooklyn sometime in 2009. Jackie has just passed her road test. Take a breath Joe, you are Howard Cunningham and Richie just got his license. Embrace it and give her the keys......I can't. For the next couple of months it was never easy to just give Jackie the keys. Now believe me, it had nothing to do with her ability to drive. I had full faith in her. That wasn't the problem. The problem was the experiences of my daily drive. Most of you will agree with me, there are just too many lunatic drivers out there. My fatherly instincts were trying to keep my precious daughter safe from the crazies.... And I believed this!

Fast forward to the last road trip to visit Rochester about a month or so before Jackie had to start school. No more crazy Brooklyn drivers in the area, wide open upstate straightaways, sunny weather and bright daylight. Daddy can I drive?

You....want....to......drive....here....on.....a.....highway?

Give Richie the keys Howard. Samantha was laying down in the backseat. We stopped at a station for some coffee for Daddy and Jackie jumped into the drivers seat. An hour later, after steady highway speeds and large cup of black coffee we arrived at our destination, and with a true smile I told Jackie what a good job she did. And believe me she did!

Why such a hard time then. I just couldn't figure. Jackie actually had a lot of driving experience having driven back and forth to school in LaGuardia courteousy of my father-in-law. He was actually a driving school instructor back in the day.  He actually went so far as to put a passenger side break in his car when Jackie began to learn to drive. Still my own overprotectivness caused me to pause on numerous occasions, and it still does. Don't get me wrong, I never tell Jackie no. In fact I encourage her, albeit rarely, to take the car and go visit Grandma. But I do watch the clock and wait for her call when she gets there.

Fast forward to season three. Now Howard has to give the car to Joanie and he is still smiling. In my sitcom it's Samantha's turn, and this kid can't wait to get in the car. She doesn't want lessons mind you, she just wants to drive. In addition, for those of you who don't know Samantha, not only does she know how to drive, she knows it all. Grandpa takes her for lessons as well, and is all to happy to relay some of her stubborness which makes me feel so great....not.   Now she is on the verge of a road test, and she is ready.  However I realized that  as far as I know there still isn't a test, or some class to help Daddys overcome their overprotective natures.

When I think about some of the tactics I have used to stall the inevitable I realize that I have implemented my own "Daddy Driver Education Program" for my daughters. If and only if they pass the rigors of my program and overcome my unilaterally imposed delays do they get to drive.

Here goes. My top ten delays tactics:

1. Tell them you have to change the insurance coverage and the broker didn't process the cards yet.

2. Point out that it is the end of the city's fiscal period and the cops like to meet their ticket quotas, by picking on new drivers.

3. Everytime they exhibit impatience when you are driving or make a comment about your driving which you feel is contrary to acceptable driving practices, delay their driving debut by two weeks as a punsihment.

4. Blame the weather.

5. Blame the traffic condition.

6. Blame the parking conditions.

7. Tell them you are not really sure where your destination is so you better drive.

8. Tell them they can drive on the way home, and then deny ever saying that when it's time to drive home.

9. Tell them you just feel like driving.

and last but not least

10. Tell them to give old pops a break, he just can't handle his daughters growing up so fast.

Sorry Howard.